ok - i just had one of the grossest mornings ever - no, wait - i'm officially nominating the morning 'the grossest moment of my entire life'...

 

typical morning - boy is slowly waking up - telling himself stories in his crib - as i proceed to listen to him on the monitor while getting ready for work.  i head in the room to go get him - i'm fully dressed and ready for work at this point - and i open the door to the stench of poop.  that stench is not uncommon, as he often wakes up and does the deuce while hanging out in the crib.  the special part of today was that he not only pooped - he exploded.  poop-paste had flown out of a side of his diaper so badly that it was all down his leg, all over his pj's, all over his hands/face, all over the crib, all over like 4 blankets + the sheet and pillow...seriously, it was a legitimate shit show.

 

i immediately declothed so as to not get myself tainted...then had to wipe him down as much as possible and then put him in the tub.  the next phase was trying to get all the tainted articles of clothing/bedding/wash cloths/etc. clean.  i couldn't just throw them in the washer (though i definitely debated it many times) - so i took them to the kitchen sink to get all the major crap removed.  i was 95% done and wiping off the last blanket when the disgusting horror of the situation really set in...and that's when i started to gag..over and over.  i literally had to yell at myself out loud and say "it's dirt - it's freak'n dirt!" so i could get my mind to stop realizing that i was scub'n poo w/ my hands.

 

everything is now in the washing machine at home, while i sit here at work...still smelling poo.  i seriously can't get rid of the scent, even if it is all in my head...as i've washed my hands/arms/etc. about 400 times like i'm preparing to perform a major surgery.

 

i don't care what kind of day you're having...i win the suckiest award.  happy frik'n friday. 

 

i have a new favorite cd...PINK - I'm Not Dead.  i've always believed that PINK has an amazing voice...but on this album she totally shows a more bluesie side.  i think my favorite overall music...if i was a musician - it'd totally be what i'd sing...is a chick singing w/ a raspy, powerful and soulful voice.

 

anyway...another reason i like this album is because of the U + Ur Hand song.  i seriously think that she stole the lyrics for this song from inside my head.  and yes, i love empowering chick songs...surprise, surprise.

 

jon came through this year for my birthday.  he got me tickets to a Marc Broussard concert.  we went to the Paradise for the show, a place i’d never been to.  the venue alone was the coolest place to attend a concert that i’ve ever seen.  it’s a small venue that has like 5 bars and random nooks/booths/levels…i literally spent the first 10-15 minutes walking around the maze with pure enjoyment each time i found cool spot to view the stage.  once the show started, we had decided to reside on the main floor – literally 15 feet from band.  those Louisiana boys definitely know how to put on an amazing show…totally fun!  they did three shots during the show and each toast entertained me…the 2nd one ended with “to a stiff drink and another one”…that spoke to me.  oh, and they also burned the entire show on a CD which i purchased as we walked out...loved that!  overall, that show wins my favorite concert thus far in my 31 years, as it incorporated the blues, jazz and soulful rock funk that i'm drawn to.

 

on another related note, i bought myself a birthday present this year…a breathalyzer.  yes, that is correct.  one of my many loves (or issues depending on your perspective) is for booze.  i found this breathalyzer online and i couldn’t resist.  the funniest part to me was the lil information/directional pamphlet that came with it detailing what each blood alcohol level represents:

 

.02-.03% => Generally no loss of coordination, slight euphoria or loss of shyness.  Depressant effects are not apparent.

.04-.06% => General feeling of well-being, relaxation, lower inhibitions, sensation of warmth.  Euphoria.  Some minor impairment of reasoning and memory, lowering of caution.  Driving skills may be impaired at this level of intoxication.

.07-.09% => Slight impairment of balance, speech, vision, reaction time, and hearing.  Euphoria.  Judgment and self-control are reduced, and caution, reason and memory are impaired.  Driving skills are always impaired at this level of intoxication.

.10-.125% => Significant impairment of motor coordination and loss of good judgment.  Speech may be slurred; balance, vision, reaction time and hearing will be impaired.  Euphoria.

.13-.15% => Gross motor impairment and lack of physical control.  Blurred vision and major loss of balance.  Euphoria is reduced and dysphoria is beginning to appear.           

.16-.20% => Dysphoria (anxiety, restlessness) predominates, nausea may appear.  The drinker has the appearance of a “sloppy drunk.

.25-.29% => Needs assistance in walking; total mental confusion.  Dysphoria with nausea and some vomiting.
.30-.39% => Loss of consciousness.           

.4%+ => Onset of coma, possible death due to respiratory arrest.

 

Bottoms up!  J 

 

i'm curious as to what age i'll accept that i burn when out in the sun.  for some reason i am still in denial about my milky skin and it's ability to curdle within about an hour's time.  the most recent burn happened 3 days ago, so i'm now appreciating the current itchy stage.  the nicest part was getting a previously scheduled massage with a friend yesterday...oh how pleasant that felt on the sizzled back.  the internal monologue during that stage went something like ... "suck it up - u're the idiot in denial - the sun will always win - breathe through it - christ, use more oil!" 

 

i'm a stubborn idiot - it's just that simple.